Haven't written anything the last few days because I've been busy working....normally, that's ok....but we have had some very painful things to walk through together this last week....a dear, amazing Christian man who's faith is so strong he teaches me had to have his leg amputated.  A wonderful lady who used to just almost run up to give me a hug on Sundays has a horrible disease that shrinks her brain and now has fallen and broken her hip.  An young girl who should have had a whole life to look forward to felt that the burdens of her current life were too much [and she did have many] and tried to end her life.  One of the most gracious ladies I ever met has been placed in hospice because her pulminary fibrosis has reached a critical stage.  And then there was the rest of the story.........
I know, this is the life I've chosen.  I know God is more powerful than anything happening. I know that it is not up to me to fix all of these things, but to be with and to be God's presence with these people as they walk through difficult days.
But I confess, some weeks, just some, are too much.  I exhaust myself because I forget to let God's power just flow through me and try to do it all myself.  And I get frustrated with the insignificant problems that walk into my office when all these important things are out there to be done.  And I cannot be everywhere and I get very impatient with my perceived lack of ability.
And maybe, most of all, it hurts when I talk to people--even friends or family--and they make me feel as though what I am trying to do is really not all that big a deal.  It's not REALLY a job or anything.
So what's to do?.............For me, quiet meditation helps.  Exercise--like yoga or tai chi helps.  Writing helps.  Playing with my dog who loves me and thinks I'm the most important thing in the world helps.  God is in all of these moments and then I remember, God was in all the others too.  Sometimes I just get in the way of myself and watching God work.
Am I all fixed?  Heavens no!  I'm crying right now as I write....but....and this might be the lesson.....renewing my awareness of God's presence is the beginning.  
And will I be in this place again?  Of Course!  How grateful I am that I don't have to get it right every time, all the time.